As you know, I live with 3 french girls and know about 100 others. I swear there must be at least 400 french exchange students in Zaragoza. Therefore, I am qualified to write this DSM-style diagnostic check-list of signs someone is indeed French.
1. They smoke a lot. I don't think I know any french people who don't smoke, even the ones in medical school. Maybe they haven't heard. If you're not sure if someone is French or Belgian, look at their right index finger. If they are French, it will be yellow from nicotine.
2. They are all petite, brunette, and have glowy, perfect skin.
3. They sound really funny when they speak English. The consonants are generally over-articulated and the "th" sound is more like a "z".
4. They cook with lots and lots of butter.
5. All their clothes are in neutral colors. Grey, blue, brown, khaki with the occasional deep teal to keep things interesting.
6. They drink lots of wine.
7. They like this lady a lot.
I'd say exhibiting 5 of these symptoms is sufficient to conclude that someone is indeed French. Happy Diagnosing!
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